#iwokeuplikethis: my experience with No Makeup January

On January 6**, the dreaded first day back from winter break, I sleepily reached for my make-up bag. And then I thought, really? Why am I doing this? Why don't I have the confidence to just BE ME?! And do you know what I did? I put my make-up bag back in my purse, where I decided it would stay shut for the REST OF THE MONTH. I looked in the mirror and thought, goddamn, is that really me? Well, good enough! My dark circles are just part of my story! The lines around my eyes? Indicative of a well-lived life full of laughter! I locked unlined, un-mascara-ed eyes with that woman in the mirror and gave her a wink. We are perfect, my slightly pale lips mouthed. I blew myself a kiss right there on Fairfax County Parkway.

**On January 5, I got my eyebrows tinted. I did this because I look like an expressionless Nordic rodent if I don't. You know how when someone is playing the White Rabbit in a play, they cover their eyebrows in white face paint? Remember that movie we watched in AP Bio about the hairless albino guy? I once described my eyebrows in a Facebook status as "Twin daughters that will only ever disappoint me." Seriously. According to tvtropes.org, having no brows "throws a character into Uncanny Valley, which can create an ethereal or alien experience." Well I don't want my face to SCARE anyone! Especially children! I did what I had to! If you were me, you'd do it too! Right? Right?! Oh god. My self-esteem is so low. At least with tinting, I can cry myself to sleep without getting eyebrow pencil all over my pillow.

Part 3: The WOOFing story

Great news! Part three of my blog series actually ended up getting published. You can read it here.

You know what I am likely to do more of as a mom? Fuggin BLOG AT YOU. So I'm hoping to do more of that. Minus the #sponsoredcontent. But we'll see. If Tide cuts me a big check, I might just have to show you, step by step, how I can remove even the TOUGHEST poop stains.