13 modern-day tragedies

13. That Facebook tells you what news articles people read.

12. That Facebook is full of little bitches trying to brag about shit like what news articles they read.

11. That I’m not doing so well in FarmVille right now and all of my Facebook friends know about it.

10. That “Skrillex Hair” is now a hairstyle.

9. That Skrillex is a recording artist.

8. That Skrillex is a human being.

7. That they fucking stopped making those sneakers that lit up every time you took a step. All I ever hear about is how LED technology is progressing…isn’t that a pretty big counterexample?

6. That I can no longer get caffeine and alcohol in the same $1.99 bottle. (Not to mention Taurine and Guarana.)

5. That Haley-Joel Osment isn’t hot.

4. That I can’t tell wether or not ur trollin me rite now(?)

3. That our generation is getting totally screwed by pensions for the elderly…or something. I didn’t actually read it, but my newsfeed told me that a bunch of you pretentious fucks did.

2. That Skrillex has a GIRLFRIEND? And she ALSO has Skrillex Hair?

1. That anyone should ever have to apologize for party rocking.